|
| "Fuck, Shit, Cock, Ass, Titties, Boner, Bitch, Muff, Pussy, Cock, Butthole, Barbra Streisand!" -Eric Cartman -
If I had enough money to start my own network I would buy the rights to many cancelled television shows. As follows would be my line-up.
Firefly
What a great show. Even spawned a movie after its one season run. It mixes sci-fi with westerns. Joss Whedon is a genius.
Mystery Science Theater 3000
I don't know why any of these shows went off the air but this one could go on forever. There are so many bad movies that are just aching to be made fun of. Start with the Matrix Trilogy.
Adventures of Brisco County Jr.
Bruce Campbell is just plain AWESOME. He always will be. This short lived show was again sci-fi/western adventure with Bruce Campbell. Enough said.
I don't think there was one bad episode of Futurama. I mean this show made me cry. One of the saddest cartoons episodes ever. Fry's dog. Seriously. They actually had scientists consult on this show to make sure things were possible. Hilarious. Now i believe this show is coming back. It did recently with Bender's Big Score. But I want another 24 episode season. Hypno Toad.
Furturama
Home Movies
About a kid who makes movies. Extremely funny. Had four seasons. They need more. Timmy.
Wonder Years
I just wish they would bring this back. At least for a two hour special. I miss those days.
Arrested Development
The funniest show on television EVER! So pissed they canceled this. Hopefully the movie will be out this year.
Twin Peaks
Such a creepy show. This show ended way to early. Bring it back.
Freaks and Geeks and Undeclared
Some of the best television ever on. Both lasted one season. This is from the Apatow gang before 40 Year old Virgin. Stellar cast and coming of age and hilarious. Freaks and Geeks was my life growing up.
Now those above are the shows I would want on my network. Those shows are not on anymore and wish they were.
So below are shows that I love dearly with the first two I believe the best shows ever made.
Twilight Zone
The BEST SHOW EVER. This had so many original stories. Rod Serling was amazing. Every episdoe is perfection.
Six Feet Under
I never thought I would get so attached to characters like I did to the ones in this show. It is an emotional ride all the way through. Truly Amazing.
Lost
One of the better shows on recently. So many questions. To few answers. Keeps me wanting more.
Battlestar Galactica
This show is so incredible. I wish we would get at least three more seasons but sadly only one more.
The Wire
I loved this show. This show just ended its series this past 5th season. It is the most true to life portrayal of the streets in Baltimore ever. Gritty.
South Park
One of the smartest and consistently funny shows besides Arrested Development ever. I hope this show lasts another ten years.
The Office (BBC/NBC)
Both versions are amazingly funny. I wish I could work at an office like this.
24
If you watch the first three seasons on dvd for the 1st time I bet you wont be able to stop until you finish in one sitting. That's how awesome this show is. Or shall I say nail-biting.
30 Rock
One of the funniest shows on television currently.
The Shield
I love to be the sort of bad guy/good guy. This show is simply excellent in every aspect. I will miss it when its gone.
X-Files
The first five seasons were good. I didn't like the rest. But those first five were an eye opener. Makes you think if we are the only ones out there. I bet not.
The Sopranos
One of the most talked about shows ever. This show was amazing. Who didn't want to be like Tony?
The Simpsons
Such a CLASSIC. This holds a special place in my heart. The Simpsons might be one of the best shows ever. I love it.
Oz
A great gritty prison show.
Rescue Me
Dennis Leary's NY firefighter show. It's hilarious, emotional, action packed. Everything you would want.
Saturday Night Live
I think this show is a classic. This spawned so many top celebrities and great character icons for our culture. It will forever hold a place in my heart.
Scrubs
Now some people hate this show. Well they are wrong. This show has a lot of heart and soul and is hilarious. And it gave us Zach Braff.
Aqua Teen Hunger Force
Such a random show but daringly funny. It's only 12 minutes long each episode. I so love this show.
Beverly Hills 90210
This show is just so bad it's good.
The Daily Show/The Colbert Report
The best source of news ever.
The Muppet Show
So many great original songs and so many great special guests. Like Peter Sellers. Awesome. I love muppets.
Nip/Tuck
A thrilling and hypnotic roller coaster of a show. I very much enjoy watching this show. SO much drama. It's ridiculous. A gem of a show.
Alias
Introducing to us Jennifer Garner as a spy agent and J.J. Abrams as a genius. This show was amazing. Even Quentin Tarantino was involved in this show.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
I love this show. Another show from mastermind Joss Whedon. This series even had a musical episode in it that was spectacular. This show continued after its seventh season in comic book form. It is still great.
Clerks
Kevin Smith's Clerks. Animated. What could be better? This show was very short lived and was hilarious.
Heroes
This show is pretty awesome. All about super-heroes. They do exist.
Star Trek
A brilliant show. A very influential show too. Spawned so far eleven movies. A true classic in television. It gave us Shatner/Nimoy/Takei. I love this show.
| | |
| "Robert, I'm dying. That's right. Went to the doctor this morning. I only got six months to live. Tumor on the back. They call it Biggus Backus Tumoritis or some other big word that my tiny Negro brain and big lips can't pronounce. " -Uncle Ruckus -
2007.
Films.
Some were good.
A ton were really bad. So bad that i can't believe writers would strike after writing such horrid pieces of shit.
But.
There were definitely some great films.
I have made a list of my favorite films of 2007. And then there is a list of the the films i thought were really good and worth mentioning.
My favorite 10 films of 2007 are: (keep in mind that this year was very difficult to pick my favorite 10)
10) Once
9) Grindhouse
8) Hot Fuzz
7) King of Kong: Fistful of Quarters
6) The Darjeeling Limited
5) Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
4) Sicko
3) Superbad
2) Ratatouille
1) No Country For Old Men
Those are my favorite 10 films of 2007.
Now here are other films that would be right behind those favorite top 10.
3:10 to yuma
eastern promises
lust caution
southland tales
the mist
the savages
juno
atonement
i am legend
youth without youth
sweeny todd
there will be blood
seven swords
lives of others
black snake moan
zodiac
300
the host
live free or die hard
aqua teen hunger force movie
waitress
paris je taime
28 weeks later
paprika
day watch
knocked up
ocean's 13
la vie en rose
eagle vs. shark
fido
1408
black sheep
rescue dawn
joshua
hula girls
sunshine
simpsons movie
bourne ultimatum
the ten
death at a funeral
now.
some of the big dissapointments....
rush hour 3
spider-man 3
shrek 3
man those films were terrible.
so what were your favorites?
| | |
| "Top five musical crimes perpetrated by Stevie Wonder in the '80's and '90's. Subquestion -- is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great artist for his latter-day sins? "Is it better to burn out than to fade away?" - Barry -
So here are some applications for a sort of film festival that i have filled out for the past three years. they are quite fun. what are your answers?
this first application was filled out in october of 2005.
NAME - Bryan Kluger - ONLINE HANDLE ON AICN - bjk4ku
PLACE - Dallas, Texas, USA
AGE - (real) 23 (mental) a mature, knowledgeable, film/comic/music
geek pre-teen
TOP 5 HOPES - 1. King Kong
2. Chaos
3. Tom Yum Goong
4. Cannibal The Musical
5. The Third Man
WILD/INSANE THING YOU HAVE DONE.
A few years ago on Halloween, a friend and I dressed up as
the Boondock Saints complete with fake tatoos on the neck and hands,
and two $17.00 fake plastic beebee guns purchased at WAL-MART. Now
this was at a time when the Boondock Saints was not released in the
USA yet, so only a handful of people knew about the movie. We both
ended up at a house party in Lawrence, KS. at about 2:30 a.m.
Everyone is drinking and having a good time. There was about 150 - 200
people at this house and in the yard outside. I looked at my friend
and said "Hey let's do the end courtroom scene on this table here.
Since we saw the movie over 20 times we knew the dialouge. And my
friend said hell yes. So quicker than you can say police brutality,
my friend and I jumped on this strangers kitchen table and whipped out
our fake guns from the back of our pants and started yelling the
dialouge from the end courtroom scene with guns drawn. "Now you will
recieve us." -- yadda yadda yadda. Most people were scared at
first, and some people knew what was going on, but as we ended the
speech, we saw a cop car drive up and hault on his breaks.
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEECH! My friend and I gave each other a Holy Shit
look and jumped off the table and ran out the back. We never knew if
the cop was there for us or for the part but since he was n a hurry to
get there we assumed the worst. We did not get caught, for we ran to
my place and watched Return of the Living Dead.
WHY DO YOU WANT TO ATTEND?
I am one of the most passionate people of film. It is what I
am dedicating my life to do as a career. I want to make movies/ write
movies/ and be involved in the entertainment industry. For as long as
I can remember I have always wanted to make movies. I love watching
movies of all kinds. No matter what it is. I like to watch them for
what they are and what they mean. I always like to go back after the
first time and watch it again and study on how it was made. It is
hard for me to watch movies with people who genuinely enjoy them as
much as I do. I love watching movies with movie geeks. Because the
film geek community will mostly laugh at the same parts and look at
each other when there is an inside joke at certain parts in a movie
and make that eye contact that signals "That was great." All in all I
would like to attend because I love film and everything about it. And
to be around others that enjoy film would be an amazingly good time.
This next application was made the following year in October 2006.
1) Full Name and Aliases
Bryan Jeffrey Kluger bjk4ku - dvd4040
2) If you have a website/myspace/live journal/ blog type of thing -
what is the URL?
www.bryankluger.com
www.xanga.com/dvd4040
www.myspace.com/dvd4040
www.lulu.com/dvd4040
3) Age
24
4) Male or Female?
Male
5) First R rated Movie You Ever Saw?
Aliens and whoa did it scare the matzoh out of me.
6) Biggest Guilty Film Pleasure?
I get such a pleasue from watching My Science Project. Sooooo bad but
sooooo good.
7) Occupation?
Filmmaker/Producer/Writer Currently producer on Dancing with the Stars.
8) Where you currently live?
Dallas, Tx. I do wish though that Austin and Dallas would merge and
become one.
9) Best Film You Have Seen Thus Far This Year?
Little Miss Sunshine
10) Weirdest Film You Have Ever Seen?
Visitor Q by Takashi Miike. If you haven't seen it, ummm, get off
your ass...you are going to want to watch this.
11) If you could be any film character and could explore yourself, who
would you be and what would you do? (maximum of 150 words)
Dr. Peter Veikman from the Ghostbusters. I would start my own
university for the paranormal, develop more machines and technology
for ghosts and try to develop time travel and I would have my own
personal ghost assistant.
12) What did you think of the portrayal of the Phoenix Storyline in
X3, if you saw it? (maximum of 150 words)
Well Phoenix was a badass. She was ruthless and mean. They showed
that pretty accurately, But I think they didn't focus enough on her
storyline to make the audience care enough about her as indeed with
all the other characters too.
13) What 3 future films that you could reasonably pray to see at BNAT
do you most hope you'll see?
Curse of the Golden Flower, Pan's Labryinth, Children of Men
14) What 3 vintage films do you most wish to see on the big screen at BNAT?
Aventures of Robin Hood, 2001 A Space Odyessy, Duck Soup
15) If you could live happily ever after with any film character ever
- who would it be and why? (maximum of 150 words)
Chris Parker from Adventures in Babysitting (Elizabeth's Shue's
character) Because she is so amazing. She stood up to two gangs
armed with weapons, she is charming, hot, caring, loving, up for
adventures, and can sing the blues.
16) If you could possess one film prop, what prop would you possess?
Hal9000 red eye from 2001 A Space Odyessy.
17) What film most warped you?
It's a cross between Pink Flamingos and Ernest goes to Camp and Rocky
Horror Picture Show.
18) Why do you want to come to Butt-Numb-A-Thon 8? (maximum of 350 words)
The resaon solely being is that I LOVE MOVIES. I can't really think
of anything better to do then watch a good movie. It is my
true passion. And this festival marathon is for people like me
because I would rather watch an entire movie and talk about it
afterwards with people and friends then get laid or make out.
19) Have you ever attended a BNAT, if so, which ones?
I have not attended a BNAT before.
20) If not - have you tried to get in and couldn't?
I applied once for it but didn't get in. I figured I would give it
another shot.
Extra Credit: Why can Moriarty (Drew McWeeny) never be as cool as
Harry Knowles? or If Harry Knowles ever reproduces what name should
the child have?
Well first of all Harry is Big and Red and squeezable. Also Drew
would lose to a film trivia game to Harry. Plus Harry's head was in
Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Drew's wasn't.
If Harry reproduces the child's name should be Hal-9000 or Brisco if
it is a boy. If it is a girl, Ripley or Gertie.
And now here is the most recent taken in 2007 of October. Very recently.
1. Full Name?
Bryan Jeffrey Kluger
2. Online Aliases?
dvd4040
bjk4ku
Gumbercules-9000
3. Age?
25
4. Sex?
Male
5. City, State, Country?
Dallas, Texas, USA
6. Number of people submitting in your group, counting yourself?
two (2)
7. Have you ever attended a BNAT before, if so, which one(s)?
No I have not. This would be the 1st one.
8. Occupation?
Film-maker/Casting Director
9. Hobbies?
watching all kinds of films from all over and television, making music
by playing saxophone,clarinet,piano,drums. collecting
comics/toys/statues/dvds/35mm films. Frisbee.
10. Celebrity Sexual Fantasy?
Have a foursome with Bettie Mae Page, Alida Valli, and Heather Graham
and myself. The setting is a room set up exactly like Alex De Large's
room in A Clockwork Orange with a huge picture of Bruce Campbell in
the background, Construction theme of Explorers by Jerry Goldsmith,
while the film King Kung Fu plays on a screen. That is my fantasy.
It would last for a few hours. Then we would all have lox and bagels.
11. Favorite Childhood Toy & Why?
It was a collection of two things. My "Moss-Man" figure from HE-MAN
and my dad's old video camera. I used to make short movies with
Moss-Man chasing my pet rabbit ala Steven Irwin style and show them to
my parents. I did short movies with Moss-Man for years.
12. Favorite Film Experience & Why?
Seeing Aliens with my dad when I was young. That movie for some
reason made me love everything about movies. My dad really liked it
and I really liked it. We thought it was action packed, funny, and
scary all at the same time. I remember scaring each other for weeks
after that movie. It was the first time that I thought that a movie
made feel amazing.
13. Top 3 Future Films You Hope To See This Year At BNAT?
1. 1-18-08
2. Be Kind, Rewind
3. Rambo
14. Top 3 Vintage Films You Hope To See This Year At BNAT?
1. Escape from New York
2. Bava's Demons
3. Duck Soup
15. Biggest Trouble You've Been In Personally?
You know how Marty McFly (Michael J. Fox) in Back to the Future would
hang on the back of cars with a skateboard and ride around? Well I
did that on top of a parking garage at a multi billion dollar
corporation that was iced over due to cold weather. And then we ended
up crashing a friends car into a light pole. Nobody was hurt thank
god, but that car had over 10,000 dollars worth of damage. Well we
all got in trouble with our parents, luckily not the authorities
because god knows they put up signs leading to our arrest due to
destroying corporate property i.e. light pole. And the funny thing is I
filmed the entire thing. From us having fun to the wreck to the
aftermath. People were crying and angry they were so upset. It is
hilarious to look back on. But seriously, I got in so much trouble
that I could not do anything for six weeks. Longest six weeks ever.
Luckily Philip K. Dick and Paul Auster kept me company.
16. What would Jack Burton Say?
When some cock-eyed, five foot nine inch-tall, grizzly bear-man grabs
your Adams apple, slaps the side of your favorite cheek across the
shuffle board, stares you straight in the pupil and asks you if ya
cleaned the sheets, you just stare that giant underachiever right back
in the eye, and you remember what ol' Jack Burton always says at a
time like that: Have ya cleaned the sheets, Jack? Yessir, the mint is
on the pillow.
17. Favorite John Carpenter Film?
Really, all of them are brilliant, but if I must it is a tie between
Dark Star and The Thing.
18. Favorite Kurt Russell Film?
I mean all of them are pretty much awesome, but if I had to pick it
would be a three way tie between, Escape from New York, Big Trouble in
Little China, and The Strongest Man in the World.
19. Favorite Genre Bending Film That Blew Your Mind?
A Clockwork Orange. and Tron.
20. Why do you wish to attend Butt-Numb-A-Thon?
I want to attend Butt-Numb-A-Thon because films give me so much joy
and happiness. And also sadness. I love watching films with others
who love watching films as much as me.
21. what is your email address?
dvd4040@gmail.com
So for the past three years I have not been accepted or got into this festival. around 7,000 -10,000 people apply to get into this festival and around 300 people get invited to attend. But I will keep trying.
What would your answers be to these questions or some of them? | | |
| "I want the club sandwich, I want the cold Mexican beer, I want a $10,000-a-night hooker!" - Johnny Mnemonic -
So I got into a long debate with a friend of mine who clearly does not know what he is talking about. The subject matter was Keanu Reeves. We were talking film and Keanu somehow came up and this friend said that Mr. Reeves has no talent and plays the same part in every film. I disagree. So I wrote him a letter/essay on it.
This is what it said:
Born in Lebanon and raised in Canada, Keanu Reeves remains one of the most obscure and cryptic actors ever to make it big. He is mostly known for his character “Neo” in the Matrix trilogy. But he has acted in a widely diverse range of roles ranging from the loveable idiot in the Bill and Ted movies to his role as a fast talking street hustler in My Own Private Idaho to his role in the Shakespeare play, Much Ado about nothing, to a scientist in Chain Reaction to a Kung Fu fighting superhero in the Matrix to a doctor in Something’s Gotta Give to a police officer in Speed and Point Break (more on that later) to an awesome lawyer in the Devil’s Advocate, to a football quarterback in the Replacements, to a chain smoking hardcore exorcist demon-slayer in Constantine, plus much more. So as you can see, plenty of mainstream movies, B-movies, and indie films are on his resume.
Now I know some people who call themselves scholars, or avid film goers or cinephiles, like to bash Mr. Reeves for his acting. Calling him an idiot, a hack, having no talent, always playing the same roles in every movie. Also certain people say that he has dead pan delivery all the time. I am writing this to prove you wrong.
While I believe Keanu comes across in interviews as somewhat of a halfwit, I believe the man as an actor has proved himself worthy not only of a respectable film summary, but as pushing himself into many diverse roles.
Let’s take his first break out role. Ted Theodore Logan in Bill and Ted’s Excellent adventure. Now this fun loving, beach dude from California was played perfectly by him. And I believe he said hid famed “Whoa” in this movie. And he has been ridiculed by almost everyone from this line. But really, when you think about it, that word is spoken by every actor is almost every movie. Even the silent ones. Now it takes a genius to actually become famous for saying a word that everyone says daily. Keanu accomplished that. It is like a trademark per se. Like Samuel Jackson saying “Fuck” in every movie he is in mostly. Or Jon Lovitz saying “That’s the Ticket.”
Now remember in all these movies it is Keanu Reeves playing these characters. So he is going to put some of himself into these roles.
Lets move onto The Devil’s Advocate. He plays a highly intelligent hot shot lawyer from the south with a hunger to win cases. He ends up working for the devil. I honestly cannot see a resemblance from Ted Theodore Logan nd his character in The Devil’s Advocate.
Now Keanu’s role in Much Ado About Nothing and Bram Stoker’s Dracula are a stretch from lets say, Babes in Toyland and Point Break. One is a classic piece of literature and one is a Shakespeare classic. He plays them without flaw. His so called dead pan delivery is non existent and facial expressions are superb in Dracula and Much Ado about Nothing.
Moving on.
For the ladies. He has acted in romantic movies such as the period piece, A Walk in the Clouds, Feeling Minnesota, Sweet November, and The Lake House. That is a far stretch from his role in The Watcher as a serial killer.
All in all, from a superhero, to a football quarterback, from a surfer to a serial killer, from a classic Shakespearean character to a police officer to a fugitive and a southern lawyer who works for the devil. Keanu can play it all. And play it well. He has won nine awards fro his acting and has received ten more nominations for his acting. They don’t do that for everyone.
What do you think?
Onto more news.
It seems that there is a sort of a remake of the classic Disney tale of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Only in this one it stars Natalie Portman...which is always awesome and Jet Li. Now they are rumored or in talks to do this. wubawubawuba whaaaat? Jet Li? This version is called " Snow and the Seven. And the plotline is A retelling of "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" set in British colonial China, where Shaolin monks take in a refuge girl. It is directed by Francis Lawrence. Which got his start directing Jennifer "taco flavored kisses" Lopez music videos, but moved onto the great movie of Constantine and the upcoming I am Legend. So there is a glimmer of hope. It sounds like a bunch of monk dwarfs who kick evils ass for Snow White the Yakuza Leader of the land. Weird. Who falls in lovbe with Jet Li. A small town farm boy with the passion and loyalty to serve in the Yakuza. I don't know.
Now over at Mike's Site he has a story on Senator Clinton that is pretty interesting. To sum it up it said, "Mrs. Clinton, who has won praise from some Republican senators for working with them on legislation, said she would try to follow that approach as president, but without sacrificing important values like preserving Social Security and protecting abortion rights..........In laying out her four goals, Mrs. Clinton did not announce any major new policy initiatives, though she did say she would unveil her universal health insurance plan in two weeks. The four goals were largely thematic: “restore America’s standing in the world,” “rebuild America’s middle class and the economy to support it,” “reform our government” and “reclaim the future for our children."
Sweet!
Please see this FILM. It is a fantastic documentary about achieving the hig score in the classic arcade game known only as Donkey Kong. It is funny, heartbreaking, and to weird to be made up. Amazing. If it is playing near you. Go see it. And then play the game.
So. If you could comprise one musical band. WHo would you have in it? Who would play Bass, Drums, Guitar, lead singer? Would there be dancers or back up singers and who would they be? WHat songs would you have them sing and what venues would the play and what would their band name be called?
| | |
|
